physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
