Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
