Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
