This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
