Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
