i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
