Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
