I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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