Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
