All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
