Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
