Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
