Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
