so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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