Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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