How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
FUCK WHALES
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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