Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
