I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
