i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
