I could have mohawked her pubes.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
