She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
