How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
