I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
