im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
