At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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