Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
