there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
