i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
