if i died would you start the facebook group?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
