hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
