It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
