my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
