Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
