never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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