So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's rum buckets o'clock
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
