we have officially lost it.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
