totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
