why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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