happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
