I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
