So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My penis needs a shock collar
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
