can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
