Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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