I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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