Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
