I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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