Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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