Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
