Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
jump out the window naked night went bad
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
