P.S. I can't hear my feet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
