I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
