how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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