that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
