Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We left the knife in your bed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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