i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
