I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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