And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
