I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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